Susan Hwang

Am I over my October performance art tour of Canada?  No.  No I am not.

Here are some more pictures.  Look, Leslie is green.  It’s the magic of theater.  We are in our world created by the loving and genius hands of Julie Lamendola as we sing Leslie’s song “Sleep.”

And Genevieve with her monologue in the song “V-JJ” that I wrote initially for Bushwick Book Club presents Philip Roth.  It was her improvised vagina monologue.  She initially wasn’t going to talk about her vagina but vaginas in general since her mom was in the audience that night, but in the end, she decided to talk about her vagina after-all.  Her mom was okay.  She knows her daughter has a vagina.

AND… here we are at the finale.  Julie Lamendola’s interpretive vaginal dance.

It was the closer.  I mean, where do you go from that.  You go and have a drink and call it a night…  You might want to sigh and digest your feelings, maybe mull it over with fellow spectators, maybe dance, shake it out, let it move through your body, your glorious body that is yours alone to experience the world with.  But that’s about it.

Way to be, Rouyn-Noranda.  Thanks for having us.  You know how to make a vagina feel received.

Photos by Christian Luduc.

I’m so excited about this, I can barely write.  Surely, it must exist already.  I was sitting on the train and looked over to where a boy was squiggling his finger rapidly on his device…  He startled me, but he was just playing one of those video games where you have to zap a bunch of things with your fingers.

I know and am related to people who know and love video games, and I had my time with the likes of Frogger and Pitfall and Tetris…  Pong too, sure, but in general, I much prefer to stare off into space than stare and poke at a little screen.  Besides, my fellow commuters give me plenty to look at.  Sometimes too much.

Something about that young man’s intense fingering of that screen made me think–my, if only people paid that much attention to pussy, they’d be really good at it.  It just takes attention, focus, practice, repetition.  Like anything.  If they made pussy into a video game, boys would be really good at it.  It would be an educational app.  You would manipulate your iphone va-jj until you hit your goal.  You would have to pay attention to the sound, heat, movement and swelling, and if you got really good, you would hit the bonus level of magical multiples where you earn points like crazy.  And each clitoris and vagina would would be different with different characteristics and different rhythms and different sensitivities, so even if you scored into multiples with one, the next time you played you’d get a completely different one and have to master that…  You can play with your friends..  at the same time, you know with the headsets like they do for those simulated flight games, right?  You could get very good at Virtual Vagina or Practice Pussy while playing with friends around the globe.  You can buy the plastic screen cover to protect from moisture damage for when you get to the oral manipulation levels which is really for experts because you can’t see what you’re doing.  Oral manipulation is a blind art.  It’s all feel.  Imagine, an iphone app that would help you develop feel (and a feeling other than addicted frustration that you’re not getting more messages and updates…).

Of course, the idea of this game is that you would get really good so you could go forth in real life with a certain knowledge and confidence and skill level.  I mean, people who play those flight games may never fly a plane, but we’re hoping that those who practice, hone and learn on the Virtual V-JJ go on to please many actual v-jjs into the realm of magical multiples.  It’s win win.

This is just an idea…  I wonder if this would take all the sexiness out of sex?  But then again, mindless fumbling with being too embarrassed to ask isn’t sexy either.  Or complete ignoring of because you’re a man and supposed to know everything.. that doesn’t get anybody going either.  What we really need to cultivate in this society is excitement about learning about sex, definitely about vaginas.  Vagina education should be the best part of the day or week.  I’ve always been very into learning in general.  Usually, I do it the hard way, but none-the-less it makes you feel alive.  And if you’re alive, you may as well feel like you are.  It’s such a jip to be alive but feel like you’re dead.  What a dumb joke that is.  No thanks…